Persistence

This week has been emotionally tough. I haven’t been in the mood to write or even open up my documents to begin the process. I had nothing to write about and nothing to share. I was not in the right place at all. I talked to my mother earlier, and she told me about the Woman and The judge and how through the Woman’s persistence she was able to accomplish her goal. It was the word persistence that struck me. It is interesting how you need to be persistent to be consistent. You have to push through feelings, problems that are present and anxiety/depression. You can not quit. The will to be persistent is the drive that leads to consistency.

Every day it will feel like you are tearing down brick walls named, “I don’t FEEL like it” or “I am not in the mood.”  Somedays those walls won’t even be knocked down, and you will slip back into inconsistency.  But true persistency is when you get back up, and you fight harder. Each time you get knocked down, fight. Every time you run into a wall, fight. Fight to win and don’t give up.

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First Sensory Deprivation Experience

I was terrified at first. I did lots of research on everything dealing with the experience. I wanted to make sure that it aligned with me spiritually and mentally before I even tried it. What had scared me about the tank was a death inside of the Tank, but with further research, I found out that what I had feared was highly unlikely.

I choose a facility with people who had a background in mental health and psychology which made me feel better-taken care of.

The experience was very intergalactic. I couldn’t stay in the tank with the lights off, but it was a fantastic experience. I thought I wouldn’t be able to settle down because I had anxiety but that wasn’t the case. I eventually relaxed. I did have some scary moments like when the lights were off. My mind wasn’t in the right place, but then It started to calm down until I was one with myself. I heard my heartbeat and concentrated on it.

The water was the perfect temperature.

I thought of my mother, God, and a song.

I went looking for clarity. I left overall happy and in a positive mental state.

The first time probably was not the best because I kept going in and out of my meditative state, but I bet the next time will be much better.

 

Healing Your Past and Releasing Your Future

Healing is something that is near and dear to my heart. It is the space that I am in right now, it is my focus.  I have been through a lot and some of the things that I have been through inhibited me from moving forward in my life.  Living in the past has left me confused and directionless.   When I acknowledged that I needed some clarity in my life, it was time to start reading Healing Your Past and Releasing Your Future.

Have you ever felt directionless, a lack of clarity or even like you don’t know your purpose? Maybe it is time for us to start our healing journies instead of looking for a purpose.

I have had this book collecting dust or in the back of a bag somewhere and I finally decided to read it. I needed to read it.  This book for me was going to be the blueprint for healing.

While Reading Healing Your Past and Releasing Your Future

Healing is a process. It includes letting go of baggage and replacing it with positive things. Healing can mean not replaying a particular part of your past, which can happen subconsciously or consciously.

Some steps towards healing include acknowledging, letting go and moving on.  One of the parts of Healing Your Past and Releasing Your Future is the structure and steps provided. At the end of each chapter, there are steps to healing, freedom, and restoration and then charts showing healthy and unhealthy development.

Structure of Chapters

Each chapter starts off with a story/example and breaks off to explain what is suppose to happen at each stage.  After the explanation,  we get the conclusion of the story which is when the primary person goes through the healing process and is restored.

The chapter concludes with the charts as mentioned earlier and steps towards healing.

What I learned

One of the most interesting points that the book makes is that the world doesn’t run on feelings. That phrase made me think of my relationship with my emotions. I had confused my feelings with intuition.  My feelings had ruled my world and told me what to do. After reading that phrase, I decided to let that way of thinking go.

This book also helped me identify roots and triggers. I found that going through each stage of development was helpful and learning the outcomes of each step has also opened my eyes.

The Ending of Healing Your Past, Releasing Your Future

The end ties everything together.  The Fabiano’s compares physical and emotional development with spiritual development which I found to be very helpful.  The ending could have been a little bit more polished as far as ideas are concerned. Otherwise, it tied everything together.

Summary

If you are someone who is looking to get started on their healing journey I recommend this book as the first step. Healing your past and releasing your future is a blueprint for you to begin mapping out triggers or specific struggles that you need to work through.

For me:

Even though the book can be classified as a self-help book, after reading it I feel more encouraged to go to therapy. This book has helped me identify some internal struggles of mine, and it’ll make my therapy journey much more thorough.

Resources


Healing Your Past, Releasing Your Future: Discover the Roots of Your Problems, Experience Healing and Breakthrough to Your God-given Destiny

Fleeting Thoughts and Struggling Commitments

Fleeting thoughts or I should say random good ideas that I make on the fly are kind of like a vice to me. It feels right for the moment, but it’s temporary. I can’t seem to stick to one idea and finish (which I talked about in scaling back). Some of my thoughts have to take a back seat because of circumstances. It is very frustrating. I haven’t been able to write as often because of my emotions, or I am too busy trying to chase after something else.

Because I don’t have any obligations and I am not in a romantic relationship I thought that I would try and go back to Australia. That was one of my life’s goals. I have been looking for a job and attempting to save some money but again life’s circumstances happen, and then I pretty much have to wait.

I wanted to finish The Chronicles of Phoenix, but I became depressed and frustrated that I couldn’t even work on it anymore, I stopped writing on my blog for a while as well.

Most of the time I feel like I have to do something. I have to start a business, go back to University, just something.

What I didn’t realize is that I am not grounded in anything.

I haven’t laid a foundation for myself. I am struggling with some things internally that keep me away from pursuing things that I want. I do want to go to Australia, but I feel as if it hard to accomplish that goal. I want to finish my stories, but again it is hard to achieve that goal.

I say that the problem is life circumstances but what if it is me?

I want to change this narrative.

I am almost finished with one of my favorite self-help books which are, Healing your past and Releasing your future, this book was very eye-opening and inspirational, but now I think instead of just using self-help books I want to do a therapy plan.

I usually do not like counseling, but I think it is time to go. Lately, I have wished I had someone to talk to about my problems, and I want to heal. I felt like I was working through my problems, but then so many things had happened, and I went back a step.
I feel lost and confused. I want clarity. So here is my plan of action:

Float Therapy:
Float Therapy works, I was thoroughly surprised by how I felt after Float therapy and I have been thinking about including it in a monthly regime. Float therapy is a great time to clear my mind and relax.

Counseling:
I have found a counselor who fits my needs, and I am excited about the process. I am glad that I can release some baggage that I have kept in or I have released in the wrong way.

Spirituality:
I want to have a deeper relationship with God. Lately, I have been conscious of how I act and what I say. I want to read more of the Bible and Pray more. I am upset when I don’t spend enough time with God. I have also been doing a new Bible Study in Romans.

Many of us have a lot of setbacks; it could be life’s circumstances or ourselves. But sometimes we need to have a change of perspective. Maybe you don’t know where your life is going and can’t make up your mind. I encourage you to take this journey with me to pursue serenity and creative freedom.

 

 

Being A Vessel For God

I often go back to Elizabeth Gilbert’s first Ted talk where she urges the audience to change their perspective on the connotation of genius. I remember my Pastor reflected on the Ted talk and said that Elizabeth Gilbert was talking about God. In my opinion, she was talking about more than just God. Elizabeth Gilbert talked about our relationship with God. Specifically, being a vessel for God.

I use to look at being a vessel for God in a negative light. I didn’t like the terms USE and VESSEL because it sounded empty and void of life. Once I began my Bible Study, The Armor of God, and my perspective changed.

After doing my Bible study, I thought about my purpose in the world. It was a pretty random thought process (which I have pretty often). I thought about how sad it would be to be placed on this earth to do one thing… or even worse, one small thing was your purpose. I also thought about how we do not even know our purpose until it is time for us to fulfill it…then it is over. I went back to Elizabeth’s Ted Talk. There was one part in particular where she talks about the dancer dancing the one dance and possibly not dancing the same dance again. The phrase that kept popping up in my head was “IT isn’t about you”. That is when I understood it.

It really isn’t about me. The focus not being on me should be liberating. I only have to be a vessel for God. God isn’t like a business that expects me to do the same thing over and over. God IS crafting me, day by day, for his purpose. I don’t have to carry the weight of the responsibility. I don’t need to know my purpose until God is ready to reveal it to me.

I use to be jealous of my best friend because I would compare myself to her. We both have always wanted to know what God wants us to do in life. She is with a ministry and has it defined. I, on the other hand, am still dabbling in my loves, the only thing I am trying to ground myself in is Christianity. But now that I know What I know now I can focus on what is more important.

I use to be so wrapped up in trying to figure out what my purpose was that I was suicidal. I was at University and I didn’t know what to do. On top of that, I see others who have these well-thought-out plans and doing things with their lives. Now that I know I don’t have to know what my purpose is and I do not need to compare myself to others…I can put more focus on me and My relationship with God.

Today, if you struggled with something similar I encourage you to stop wondering what your purpose is. Again, it is not for you to know at this time. Instead, focus on building up a relationship with God. I highly recommend reading the Armor of God. It helped me put some things in perspective and I am sure you will enjoy it. The link is down below along with some other great titles!


The Armor of God

The Artisan Soul: Crafting Your Life into a Work of Art

Patreon

Scaling Back

 

 

Scaling Back

The Chronicles of Phoenix was my first official script and I didn’t know what I was doing. I “dove in head first” trying to learn as I went along. Honestly, the story was not flowing. I wasn’t feeling it.

I recently switched from writing in a structured format to a freewriting format. I feel like that works for me. Back to stage one.

On another hand, the other script that I was working on, I enjoy working on it. There is another story that I am freewriting and I enjoy working on that as well.

With The Chronicles of Phoenix, I tried to stretch the story and make it 100 pages. It wasn’t a 100-page script. This time I will try and not stretch it out and flow with the story.

The thing about working on projects is that it’s necessary to start on a small scale and take things in pieces.

Products to help you with your writing journey:

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The Artisan Soul: Crafting Your Life into a Work of Art

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Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting

Pick One Thing and Stick To IT

Someone once said that it is wise to become a Master at one thing. That is hard for me because I love all things art and I dabble in all things art. It’s hard to settle down. Even in Film related areas, I can’t just pick one thing. Before I decide to settle down I would like to try one more thing: making my own film. I have been trying to buy a camera for the last couple of years. I even choose my computer because I wanted to film. Life, bills and more situations seem to get in the way of my goal.

When I finally get my camera, I would like to do some short film projects along with experimental videos. I want to play around with the aesthetics of filming and make something beautiful. It is another way for me to explore the ideas inside my head.

For me, my perfect medium is a way to effectively explore my ideas. I want the product to be something I am in Love with.

The one thing about my love of art is that it is so expensive. I have always been an extremely creative person but coming from a one-parent household and living pretty nomadically makes things hard. Hopefully one day I can find my medium and stick to it.

Let me know your thoughts and what medium works for you!

Patreon Link:https://www.patreon.com/fmaddox17