Something I wanted to Share with you

I have anxiety and major depression. One of the things I do to help me stay productive and energetic is bananas. Bananas are a natural stress reliever and it instantly gives you energy. I challenge all of you to try and eat a banana a day and let the stress go away. Here is an article for you to read about Bananas!


Why you should keep your purpose separated from your Career choices

The most detrimental choice that I made was chasing after purpose.   I  did not know what to do after high school. The high school I went to put a lot of pressure on going to college and making a career choice while I was a sophomore. I did not know what to do.  I started trying to look for my purpose as if I was gonna get all of the answers to questions like what I was good at and how I was going to be successful. All of the stress piled up and led to suicidal attempts, spending three days in the psych ward and then missing school.  The more I searched for my purpose, the less I felt fulfilled. I made my own purpose sometimes and tried to take control. I didn’t enjoy life at all and it was hard for me to build a foundation.  As I grew up my likes changed and what I thought I wanted I didn’t want anymore. It took me seeking God instead of my purpose to know that it isn’t for me to know right now. I have the choice of being happy if I didn’t hold myself to such high standards and accept who I was created to be. Instead of trying to be God let God do his job.

A career isn’t the sole reason why we live. It is beyond that. In our society, it feels like that is all we live for.


Comment down below if you have any advice or if you want to share your experience.

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So What am I doing Again….

First of all let me start out by saying that i’ve gotten out of the habit of reading my bible and I need to get back in because God has been granting me some awesome moments in time such as just enjoying coffee and getting extras on food. I am very happy that I have been showed favor for this time even though I have been feeling like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel.  I want everyone to feel his favor and especially those who are going through the same things that I go through because it is nice to know that someone else is going through or has gone through the same thing.

Today was one of those days of favor but right now I am not talking about favor. I am talking about gifts and talents. Again I am speaking of writing. Writing is something that is very hard for me to do yet I have been told many times that I was good at it. This does not make my writing the main thing I am good at but it is a big portion of my life right now. It seems like writing helps me because I have to actually sit down and pour out all of my feelings.  I feel like I do not write enough.

Usually when I write I gain some type of new found wisdom that I have had before. My writing is also inspired by my time with God (something I also need to do more). I feel like most of my time is gone to worrying about school and what I am suppose to do that I am numb to anything else. It is like I lack imagination when I write fiction or I can not get something out like I would like.  On top of the anxiety coming from school wanting to know what I am suppose to do in life there is that anxiety of breaking free from an idea that I need translated into the natural world.

I do believe that translation of an idea in a creative manner so then the fullness of the messages can be displayed is the ultimate form of transferring spirit to the other dimension. When we put our heart and soul into something that is transferring something from the spiritual world into the actual world.

This translation process is my main problem. I feel like I can not pull out everything that I have with in me properly and it gives me great anxiety and a restless spirit.  I really want it all to be pulled out of me because it weighs me down.

I do not actually have to have everything perfect and I do have time for everything to be up to the standards it needs to be.

“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

Psalm 37:8


I’m so anxious to write something amazing. I’m so anxious to get out of school. I’m so anxious to hit that spot in life where I can just take off running. I’m so anxious to finally live the life I had always dreamed. This anxiety overwhelms me to the point of doing something crazy. I run myself crazy and try to numb the pain by focusing all my energy into something meaningless. I try and escape from my anxiety but I can not. I lose myself and probably some of my brain cells trying to lose myself in a fantasy world in order to lie and wait for my life to begin.

I’m sick of everything. I lock myself in the room. I wait anxiously for inspiration to comes and when it does I lose energy.  I drown myself into something else. I distract myself.  I listen to the other voices of people giving me suggestions when it is like they don’t know the whole story. i want to pour my heart and soul into something. I always thought writing was that outlet.  I like but I dislike it.   Why couldn’t it have been drawing because I’ve always wanted to draw my own anime? It naturally became an interest to me and I focused on it long and hard. Why couldn’t it be business? I went to school for it yet I failed but many business women were impressed by me. Many failures and many business ideas yet no turn out.

I am burned out from school and not knowing who I am or what I should do. I try and avoid people because I am a chameleon and lose myself within the process yet you need them for the process that you must have to find out what to do.  I’m so sick of heartbreak, hurt, numbness and pain. I am sick of failure with school and poor choices.

I want to thrive, I want to thrive, I want to thrive so much that I am losing my mind.

I seek after God to know the truth. I seek God to learn about me. I feel so delusional.  When I feel God’s comfort I feel the most sane. When I am in silence I feel the most peace.  When I am in prayer I feel the best and when I am working with in the spirit my soul can be at rest. If only I surrender.