Old Journal Entry!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now I have a big project that I am working on for you all. I didn’t expect it to be as big of a blog post but it is what it is. I am currently editing that, coming up with some more interesting posts for you all and working on some projects. For now, I will leave you with a wonderful memory that I had.


Today was a wonderful day that the Lord has made indeed. Today I feel as if I had lived. First I had anthropology and felt the enlightenment of learning. I never had felt so delighted from learning about something since I was little and learned about the Chinese character for a cow. It was great I had a lot of a-ha moments and just enjoyed learning about what shaped and modeled our society.


Anyway, the most beautiful moment happened during yoga class this evening. Like any other yoga class, I started by laying down and closing my eyes giving myself some time to block out any worries from my mind.  After some warm-ups, the teacher leads us outside. Today I thought the sky and weather were perfect. We had gray clouds is some spots grayer than others. There was a spot where the clouds were clearing up and you can see some of the blue skies. At first, you can feel a little warmth from the sun. There were warm breezes that were very light yet heavy enough to move my hair. We started our outside poses with some warrior stances. We had to keep our focus out into the landscape. I decided to focus on that patch of blue sky.  When we moved from our warrior stances to poses that required us to look up north I saw the gray clouds. The sun was letting up giving the gray clouds a shine. It looked like something a very artistic photographer would have tried to capture. Our next poses were tree poses. For these poses, I had to ground myself firmly into the ground. I became one with the earth. When I finally lifted my foot off of the ground the yoga teacher told everyone to close their eyes. While my eyes were closed my senses were heightened. I felt how intimate the breeze was and the warmth of the sun.


Self-Care and Love (Beyond Pampering)


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Everyone wants to make videos and speak on self-care but what is it and what does it look like. Self- Care is more than just bubble baths, faces masks and detox water. Although self-care can include that, it is much more.

Self Care is making sure you are groomed even when you don’t want to shower. Cleanliness will make you feel better and you may even get a jolt of energy.

Self Care is taking time to reflect on what you did each day.  We don’t think about what we did during the day, what was accomplished or how we felt throughout the day. We don’t question why we’ve felt what we felt. I was guilty of journaling and not being conscious while I write. After I would journal, I still felt the same way I did before I journaled, but now that I reflect I feel much calmer. I also gain clarity and insight.

Self-Care is doing what is best for you. Sometimes, doing what is best for you is something that you may not want to do. You may have to read when you don’t want or to or break up with someone that you love.

Self-Care is knowing who you are. You have to realize that you are a better person than you think you are. Depression can make you feel like you aren’t resilient or a horrible person but that isn’t true. Don’t degrade yourself just forgive yourself and work on your issues. It is something that is hard and we tend to condemn ourselves but there isn’t any reason why you need to put yourself in hell. Let God be the judge and stop judging.

Self-Care is celebrating. Sometimes we don’t realize that we got a lot done in one day.  It is okay to pat yourself on the back because you deserve it.

Self-Care is not pressuring yourself. Be kind to you. Love yourself and be patient.  You are not supposed to be another person or a copy.

Self- Care is healing. Free yourself and live authenticly.

Self-Care products that I highly recommend:

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Kao MEGURISM Health Care Steam Warm Eye Mask,Made in Japan, Lavender Sage 14 Sheets

I like using the lavendar steam eye masks for the bags under my eyes or when I need to be still and calm down. The warm up very quickly and feel very soothing.

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Aura Cacia – Discover Essential Oils Kit (Packaging May Vary) | .25oz each of Lavender, Peppermint, Tea Tree and Eucalyptus

Aura Cacia is a brand of essential oils that I have used. I use these with their infuser but you can use any type of infuser with these or however else you want to use these. My favorite scents are Jasmine, Ylang Ylang, Patchouli and Bergamont.

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Earl Grey Creme Black Tea by Teavana
This is my favorite tea. It is very soothing to drink and great with milk and honey. It will pair well with a Bergamot essential oil and bubble bath.

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Recently I read an article, “How Can You Meditate on God’s Word?” by Andy Rau. In the article, a part of the meditation process was to empathize with God. When I began to think about the desires and feelings that God has towards humanity; I see the Bible in a new perspective. Not only do I see the Bible in a new perspective, but I approach all of my relationships differently.
Now that I am learning about Empathy, I am more mindful of my thoughts and actions towards others. My relationships are more meaningful and fruitful. I learn more about myself and grow because of empathy.
Empathy for me is like the practice of saying Namaste in the beginning of Yoga class; the being inside of me recognizes the being inside of the people around me. The idea of empathy brings more depth and dimension to the Golden Rule: Love one another as you love yourself.
I encourage everyone to be mindful of empathy in their daily activities how minuscule it is.

Feeling Stale

Before mid ending 2014  I was an emotional wreck like I was mad, sad and in rage. Now I went from depressed or in rage to just numb. I went from not okay to feeling bored and just like I don’t want to do anything. I feel numbed out for a really emotional human being.

I want to feel immense satisfaction , joy and yes at times I do feel at peace but I want it to be long lasting. I want to feel something other than numb. It feels weird.

Feeling and emotion is like the transferring of dimensions or inspires the transferring of an idea from one dimension to another. Let me use an example: a dream. A dream can be a spiritual thought transferred from the man upstairs to you and how you feel about the dream or feel like it is trying to tell you can help you interpret the dream or use the dream for other things. For me a dream is the normal source of inspiration for a story or a script.

Feeling can be part of intuition or discernment. But emotion is evoked. Emotion springs from a situation.

I am very clouded that I can not tell the difference as far as my feelings and emotions.  I know that emotions is what brings everything from mediocre to a totally different dimension. I really want to use my writing as an outlet for my emotions but I need to dig deep in order for that to happen.

I feel like this numb state that I am in also effects my imagination. It is hard for me to have ideas of my own because of my being numb and non receptiveness.

Numb for me is not feeling nothing or being closed off, kinda like being blind or ignorant. It does not feel like bliss it just feels like a blank space and I am the blank space.

It feels like I lost my edge and my heart to do good for God and I am oblivious to my soul.  The soul is where feelings come from that can turn into emotions if we let our flesh enter into a pure thought.

The numbness I am talking about is not the  ”I do not care” connotation of being numb. My numbness is the type of numb where I do not feel anything besides a void. My emotions are dried up  that I am in the constant state of I don’t know.  Now sometimes numbness can lead people into doing the same stuff as the “I do not care” people would do but for different intentions.

I have to have hope and dig dip for numbness is the clouding of my emotions and feelings. Only through God can I understand my soul and operate with in it and translate my soul into the things I do.

God Sees the Heart…..and The Soul

As a Christian who is trying to get this whole discipleship thing right I would always be so harsh to myself and maybe even box myself in a little. I do not give myself freedom and space or try and get to know myself and be like “hey I’m sorry if I hurt you and I need to treat you better do YOU have any suggestions”.  I would see the bad and criticize myself on how much I’m reading the bible, how many mistakes I made. Believe me if I had a whip I probably would be like the man in the Da Vinci code giving myself so many lashes because I am always doing the wrong thing or being un christ like.  I would always forget something very important. God is the only thing that can validate me. God is the reason why I am weird, he is the reason why I am this way he just wants me to be myself and learn how to be better. God does not want me to put myself down to the point of plotting suicide and being okay with torture in hell.  Why would God want that?

God loves me and he sees past everything and looks into my heart and so deep all the way to my soul and says look at this beautiful soul right here. I can not wait for this soul to just be let loose and set free. I love this soul so much that I gave my only son for it. This soul right here is capable of a lot of good things.

Instead I look at myself. I look at MYSELF.  I do not even look at my soul because I am soo busy being a confused 20 year old. I am trying to find her. I am such a chameleon that I forget who I am.

God does everyone like that. He knows you are human and he looks deeply with in you and be like this soul right here is beautiful.

Know God, let God set you free and let yourself be receptive to lead a life that is more than what this natural world can give. Live a supernatural life. A life that surpasses boundaries and that goes beyond the normal eyes.

God probably wants me to talk about this…..

Today overall was a good day. I don’t know about other people but I tend to be some what of a loner. I like being alone (I do like company every once in a while) and I really like to be alone in my room. Being in my room most of the time runs me crazy because I am mostly watching youtube videos and then being hard on myself for not being such as spiritual person but I have to remember that God does not expect me to be at perfection all in one day. God looks at my heart and my soul. He knows me. He knows me. He loves me. He looks past all the little stuff.  It just seems so hard to be receptive towards him.

On a good note I must have been receptive towards him because I have been shown favor. It has been a time of darkness but it seems like for the last couple of days the smallest stuff has made me very happy.  I got two apple pies, discounts on food, extra food and it is all wonderful. I also was able to un plug from the world and be in silence and peace.  I planned to write while I was in the coffee shop today but I was so overwhelmed with silence that I could not even pick up the pen. It all felt good. I liked just looking out into the streets with my cup of coffee (which is odd because I love tea).  I felt great and present. I was not lost and just anxious but at peace. I was not worried about the future. I did not care about what was going on. I was just happy with sitting there. I probably looked high to everyone else but I was calm.

If you ever wonder if God is there or conversing with you or going down the right path here you go:

“the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:7