Necessity Over Desire

Vivacious (1)I am bad with consistency especially when it comes to my walk with God. It is to be expected. I am human but it is hard to accept the mistakes I make or the feelings that influence my decisions. I was essentially forcing myself to keep up with some standards I made up in my mind.

I changed all of that. I was going to be serious about my relationship with God. God isn’t just a desire. God is a necessity; knowing more about him is important. The need to read His oxygen to survive. The need to spend time with The Lord is actual food for the soul. A relationship with God is a need.


I want to know what you think…


The must-haves from “How to Get and Keep Your Man”

Recently, I had the pleasure of reading the book “How to Get and Keep Your Man: My Top 20 Must-Haves Before Dating or Courtship” written by Queen Rasheeda Yasminah Maryam Muhammad. This book is a very interesting read and has a unique approach to relationships and courtship. ”How to Get and Keep Your Man” deals with looking for qualities in a spouse that give the relationship longevity. According to Psychology Today, about 75% of marriages end in divorce. In the article, it also states “marriage is a big commitment, but if you go into it with clear expectations and good communication skills, and having done your research about what makes a relationship work, your likelihood of staying married can be much higher than 50 percent.”  “Most people make poor decisions when comes to relationships,” says Queen Rasheeda; she presents the book with the intention of helping people make better decisions when courting.

“We focus on the physical, surface-based characteristics…[that] focus more attention on the things that give longevity [to the relationship],” states Rasheeda. In the book, many of the qualities that the author focuses on lifestyle, finances, and spiritual well-being. Most of the time we tend to focus on the more romantic aspects of a relationship rather than the simple and more practical qualities that help make the relationship last. The book encourages the reader to consider spiritual beliefs, long-term goals, and diet during the courtship process. It is very important to have someone that fits you and your lifestyle who can help you build your home. “Everything is an ecosystem…we can take lessons from the animals,” such as being in a mutually beneficial relationship. Each animal has a certain role that needs to be fulfilled in order to build and sustain that ecosystem.

To find the spouse that is right for you, the first step is to know yourself. Rasheeda puts it best when she says “you don’t know who you need to be with unless you know who you are.” Knowing yourself helps you find what qualities you need to look for in your partner. Some of the simple things we need to know about ourselves like what makes us mad, sad, or happy often get overlooked in the courtship process. Not only does the book encourage the reader to know themselves, but it also encourages the reader to have their responsibilities in order before asking someone else to have their responsibilities together. One example the book presents is for a spouse with good credit or is working towards good credit. You also must have good credit yourself before asking someone else to have good credit. It isn’t fair to set the bar high for the person who is potentially going to be your spouse when you yourself have not even set the bar within your own life. Another good point the book makes is you need to find someone who is taking steps towards healing, and essentially both of you need to be on the same spiritual path. I feel like that is the most important part of the relationship: to maintain and build up your “ecosystem” with your mate. You need to have a very deep connection that shares the same path (spiritually, mentally and physically). This connection is the way for the relationship to succeed.

The statement that the author makes, “keeping a man has a lot to do with making the right choices before you get him, and keeping it up after you get him in order to stay sane and have a long-lasting, happy and productive relationship,” sums up why it is important to have a clear idea of yourself, your needs in a relationship, and your partner’s needs. When your spouse and yourself have a clear idea of who each of you are and the goals that you both want to accomplish, this will be what makes the relationship long lasting and happy.

I encourage everyone to go pick up the book and give it a read. It opened my eyes and helped me see the business and spiritual side of being in a relationship. Not only does Rasheeda encourage you to write your own list but you can also share it with her on Queen

Here is a Link to: How To Get and Keep Your Man on Amazon

Dealing With Bipolar Depression

This time of the year is a very tough time for those of us with seasonal depression. Some of us (on top of having seasonal depression) also have depression or even bipolar depression. I have bipolar depression and it is a struggle to deal with. I am very sensitive, emotional and I am still learning about my triggers. Even though I have bipolar depression  I do not see it as something negative.

For me having an emotional imbalance is motivation to incorporate healthy eating habits and exercise. Eating good foods and exercising makes me feel upbeat. Even on days where I am feeling blue, when I exercise I get lost in the moment. Eating a good meal afterward helps keep that upbeat feeling.

When I feel triggered, sad or any other feeling I see it as a reminder to journal. I use a journal to track my moods and it is a place where I can write down my thoughts in depth. With a journal, I can go back and see reoccurring battles (within my mind) that if I didn’t have a journal I wouldn’t have known about.

Bipolar Depression inspires me to pursue healing (spiritually and mentally) to do better in my life. I challenge myself every day to spend more time connecting to source. God is the way I have the strength to get through each day and bring in positive habits into life. 

To those of you who have bipolar depression or any type of emotional imbalance, re-define that imbalance and don’t let it define you. Strive each day to bring in positive things into your life and don’t let negativity take up the space that is needed.

No More Guilt or Shame

When I was little I use to wonder “how does God give freedom?” To me, it felt like Christian life was more restricted. There were the 7 commandments,  the church would add more stuff like listening to gospel music only, don’t do this and don’t go here.  Everything seemed restrictive to the point where my view of God was restricted. I eventually restricted myself to be a Christian. I struggled with sin and telling God about sin. I shamed myself when I skipped reading the bible or didn’t pray.  I became a perfectionist in every aspect of my life. I wasn’t being authentic with God. I threw away my authentic self in search of an identity.  I didn’t understand the freedom that God gave. It wasn’t until I realized that I was hurting and in need of healing. I researched resources to help me change my life. I needed freedom and peace that only God can provide.  

I was listening to a sermon on the book of 1st John, the pastor emphasized on how sin separates us from God. Instead of hiding from God because of sin, tell God about it. God forgives us and wants us to learn from our sin. The price was already paid that is why Jesus died on the cross.

   I always heard about Jesus dying for our sins but it never really made sense to me. After reading the book of 1st John, I know what sin is and that it overtakes our being. I also learned that God loved all of me. From this perspective, I learned that I was condemning myself. I made the law my God instead of God my God. As a result, I hid away from God and let perfectionism overtake me. I hurt myself until I shifted my focus.  My relationship with God grew deeper. I wanted to be a disciple out of my Love for Christ.  

God’s freedom: Be yourself