Recently, I had the pleasure of reading the book “How to Get and Keep Your Man: My Top 20 Must-Haves Before Dating or Courtship” written by Queen Rasheeda Yasminah Maryam Muhammad. This book is a very interesting read and has a unique approach to relationships and courtship. ”How to Get and Keep Your Man” deals with looking for qualities in a spouse that give the relationship longevity. According to Psychology Today, about 75% of marriages end in divorce. In the article, it also states “marriage is a big commitment, but if you go into it with clear expectations and good communication skills, and having done your research about what makes a relationship work, your likelihood of staying married can be much higher than 50 percent.” “Most people make poor decisions when comes to relationships,” says Queen Rasheeda; she presents the book with the intention of helping people make better decisions when courting.
“We focus on the physical, surface-based characteristics…[that] focus more attention on the things that give longevity [to the relationship],” states Rasheeda. In the book, many of the qualities that the author focuses on lifestyle, finances, and spiritual well-being. Most of the time we tend to focus on the more romantic aspects of a relationship rather than the simple and more practical qualities that help make the relationship last. The book encourages the reader to consider spiritual beliefs, long-term goals, and diet during the courtship process. It is very important to have someone that fits you and your lifestyle who can help you build your home. “Everything is an ecosystem…we can take lessons from the animals,” such as being in a mutually beneficial relationship. Each animal has a certain role that needs to be fulfilled in order to build and sustain that ecosystem.
To find the spouse that is right for you, the first step is to know yourself. Rasheeda puts it best when she says “you don’t know who you need to be with unless you know who you are.” Knowing yourself helps you find what qualities you need to look for in your partner. Some of the simple things we need to know about ourselves like what makes us mad, sad, or happy often get overlooked in the courtship process. Not only does the book encourage the reader to know themselves, but it also encourages the reader to have their responsibilities in order before asking someone else to have their responsibilities together. One example the book presents is for a spouse with good credit or is working towards good credit. You also must have good credit yourself before asking someone else to have good credit. It isn’t fair to set the bar high for the person who is potentially going to be your spouse when you yourself have not even set the bar within your own life. Another good point the book makes is you need to find someone who is taking steps towards healing, and essentially both of you need to be on the same spiritual path. I feel like that is the most important part of the relationship: to maintain and build up your “ecosystem” with your mate. You need to have a very deep connection that shares the same path (spiritually, mentally and physically). This connection is the way for the relationship to succeed.
The statement that the author makes, “keeping a man has a lot to do with making the right choices before you get him, and keeping it up after you get him in order to stay sane and have a long-lasting, happy and productive relationship,” sums up why it is important to have a clear idea of yourself, your needs in a relationship, and your partner’s needs. When your spouse and yourself have a clear idea of who each of you are and the goals that you both want to accomplish, this will be what makes the relationship long lasting and happy.
I encourage everyone to go pick up the book and give it a read. It opened my eyes and helped me see the business and spiritual side of being in a relationship. Not only does Rasheeda encourage you to write your own list but you can also share it with her on Queen Rasheeda.com.
Here is a Link to: How To Get and Keep Your Man on Amazon