Feeling Stale


Before mid ending 2014  I was an emotional wreck like I was mad, sad and in rage. Now I went from depressed or in rage to just numb. I went from not okay to feeling bored and just like I don’t want to do anything. I feel numbed out for a really emotional human being.

I want to feel immense satisfaction , joy and yes at times I do feel at peace but I want it to be long lasting. I want to feel something other than numb. It feels weird.

Feeling and emotion is like the transferring of dimensions or inspires the transferring of an idea from one dimension to another. Let me use an example: a dream. A dream can be a spiritual thought transferred from the man upstairs to you and how you feel about the dream or feel like it is trying to tell you can help you interpret the dream or use the dream for other things. For me a dream is the normal source of inspiration for a story or a script.

Feeling can be part of intuition or discernment. But emotion is evoked. Emotion springs from a situation.

I am very clouded that I can not tell the difference as far as my feelings and emotions.  I know that emotions is what brings everything from mediocre to a totally different dimension. I really want to use my writing as an outlet for my emotions but I need to dig deep in order for that to happen.

I feel like this numb state that I am in also effects my imagination. It is hard for me to have ideas of my own because of my being numb and non receptiveness.

Numb for me is not feeling nothing or being closed off, kinda like being blind or ignorant. It does not feel like bliss it just feels like a blank space and I am the blank space.

It feels like I lost my edge and my heart to do good for God and I am oblivious to my soul.  The soul is where feelings come from that can turn into emotions if we let our flesh enter into a pure thought.

The numbness I am talking about is not the  ”I do not care” connotation of being numb. My numbness is the type of numb where I do not feel anything besides a void. My emotions are dried up  that I am in the constant state of I don’t know.  Now sometimes numbness can lead people into doing the same stuff as the “I do not care” people would do but for different intentions.

I have to have hope and dig dip for numbness is the clouding of my emotions and feelings. Only through God can I understand my soul and operate with in it and translate my soul into the things I do.

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