If you see the picture twice I am very sorry. Anyway I choose this picture today because I LOVE Qdoba nachos….like seriously I am craving some right now. Each time I think of Qdoba nachos I think of the taste, the texture and the smell. I try and imagine myself eating them but I want the real thing.
Surrendering. That is the word for the day. I find this word coming in different forms such as surrendering myself such as sacrificing some things from my regular life such as certain types of music or certain types of exercises (yoga in particular). I also find myself surrendering certain thoughts or beliefs as I go on this journey to figure out who I really am.
This morning in Chapel I was crying for no reason at all but I was crying. In the inside I felt really weird or like I needed to go up and hug the speaker. So long story short I went up, hug the speaker, then the oddest thing happen. She told me that I am at the right place. Now many people have told me that I was at the right place but I still questioned but this lady who I didn’t even know had told me that I’m suppose to be here.
What does being at the right place have to do with surrendering? Well today I thought about it. In order for me to grow with God I have to choose between two paths. One path is the one I want to create which is basically leave my bible college and find so way to travel and stay out of the United States. The other path is to sacrifice my dreams and go down a path that is very unknown.
The path of the Unknown:
So far God has really taken care of me. This week seems like the week that I got a glimpse of what daily manna really is. I don’t have to worry about food or clothing. I have all of that provided for me. It seemed like right after I spent my last dollar I had that is when I really started to feel it. I kept eating ramen because it was the cheapest thing I can get and now I am not eating ramen. I probably have been eating healthier than ever. I fill full each time I eat now. I don’t have that constant hunger like before. With clothing I only brought a couple of outfits with me but a lady who has the same class I do has invited me to go get some clothes and pizza. I know it isn’t much but I feel happy. The blessing is not the food or the clothes that I will get but it is the fact that I don’t have to worry about stuff like that.
The path of the Known:
This path was a path woven by jealousy and pride basically. You can also add a little bit of anxiety. Going back to regular college for me is comfort. I wanted to go because I heard of people who had sons and daughters in ivy league schools and I just feel a little embrassed when I tell people I am in bible college studying to become a pastor but i’m not sure what I am called to do. I also have considered going back to SIUE because of my friends (yeah I would’ve got kicked out some how for something). I started missing the library there and the gym and all this stuff. I wouldn’t have to worry about food (unless I ran out of food credits which I did towards the end but that was towards the end). I did have to pay for laundry but regardless I would’ve been comfortable (plus there is starbucks and I could’ve found a way to go to Jack in the Box or Qdoba).
Even though going to a bible college doesn’t really have perks such as a music section of the library or a gym it is something about how it feels. Going here doesn’t feel like college it feels like a family place (it’s very small too) but it is really nice. I like being able to have my porch to sit outside on, being able to walk down the street for ice-cream or just the community. That is the word. Community. Here is more like a community than a school. Everyone is nice and willing to help or you are willing to help others. It does get to be a little much but that is worth it.
When we give our lives to Christ we are on a journey to discipleship. We learn about what it is to be a christian and how to love christ. Our lives should be those of excellence in each day which is our form of worship. We take time to praise the lord with what we do or just simply thanking him for what he has provided. It isn’t just singing and dancing but it is living life to the fullest, going slow, being mindful. Letting joy just sink into our spirit. We can get joy out of eating ice cream (well duh) or watching the sunset. Thinking about how God made everything perfect yet, natural (think about that for a minute). The spiritual life is like the hakuna matata for christians (or my favorite word daily manna). We don’t have to worry. For the fact that we don’t have to worry that means we should just enjoy ourselves by living out our purpose, having a deeper connection to God (which enhances ourselves and the relationships we have with others).
Basically we are to love, love God, love others and love ourselves