One of the biggest issues with my college career is finding out what I wanted to do or thought that I wanted to do for a good portion of my life. This want had to also fit within the wants of others and societal boundary lines such as job markets. To tell the truth I didn’t really care about such things. I wanted to become a photographer or filmmaker. I wanted to go to an art institute. The place of my dreams was Savannah College of Art and Design. It was 40,000 dollars and in Georgia. Mom said no. I thought it was also cool that they had different locations in different countries. Again no. I had a plan all made up to start my own photography business. This was all in sophomore year. I had plans written out. I wanted to own my own photography business and travel the world. But nooo. So what is next. Senior year. I was busy dealing with the fact that I was bipolar and suicidal. I didn’t have any plans for the future. When I got to a point where I was mostly just getting through each day then I was to “think seriously about college”. I got asked all the wonderful questions like where are you going and etc. I had the same answer: I don’t know. At SIUe I was trying to “find myself” in the business world. It seemed like a good compromise since I’ve taken courses in business. Then I decided that the choice I had made was not going to sustain me. I didn’t know that it was something I wanted to do or not. I did research on it and I was kind of interested in it. I didn’t want that type of lifestyle. Before I could even dapple into Anthropology I was put out.
Then I went to community college for Marketing. I only did this because I wanted to go into the peace corps. One day I started trying to figure some stuff out to start filling out my application and then found out that I was basically wasting my time. Whatever I was going to do next had to be something meaningful. I couldn’t be stuck mentally in survival mode.
I feel as if going to bible college is the thing that separates me from surviving to actually living the life of my dreams. Helping people, traveling and being able to learn more about christianity. I also believe as a pastor I will also be learning many things about the world around us and not just christianity such as about different cultures. Now that I have made the decision to go away to bible college many people are telling me to get myself together. I can not continue to live a life that does not feel meaningful to me. I know that I will continue to get told about having a career and such. Yes I want to stop bouncing around from place to place and yes I want to go to bible college. I wish people would understand that. Any money I had left was going towards me going down to Atlanta. I need to go. Yes I can be doing other things. Yes I could find out some way to go aboard and back pack but there is a reason I am not backpacking. Yes I could go to a different university and study either foreign language or anthropology but there is a reason I am not studying those subjects. Do I have any other plans or may I return to college? For the most part No. I am not going to spend more money. This is it. I feel as if the freedom can help me go above and beyond. The freedom will release my fears and help me be creative to make a path for myself. A woman I had met recently told me that I had all the tools I needed to succeed. Is college important? Yes. Do credentials matter? Yes. But God made this wonderful thing called the mind and we can do so many things with it. We can make a way out of no way. We can make something out of trash. Fear is the only thing stopping us.